My 600 lb Life

Life in a treatment center for eating disorders is structured, to say the least. Below are a few things that make it a unique experience:

  • I always have to ask to use the bathroom. All bathrooms are locked. Depending on whether someone has a history of bulimia, you may have to be monitored while in the bathroom. Once this is explained, it makes sense but it’s one more thing over which I have no control.
  • I eat six times a day. Everything is prepared specifically for me and comes with plastic film over it with my name written on it.
  • I have to eat everything on my plate. There are no seconds. If I refuse to eat, I have to drink Boost.
  • We sit at a table together to eat. After everyone is finished, we have to say if we liked the food, how full we feel and how we feel emotionally.
  • I only drink water at meals, we can only have unsweet tea or Crystal Light at snacks.
  • We have group therapy five times a day.
  • We can have electronics before 9:30am and after 7:30pm. I never realized how attached to my phone I was until now.
  • Can’t have anything with a sharp edge including a razor to shave or fingernail clippers…like living at a TSA checkpoint
  • Can’t tear or mash or shred food. I think anorexics do this to avoid eating.
  • The structure is the way I can reintegrate the various pieces of myself that I’ve lost in the disease. It’s why I’m here. I don’t resent any of these things but they remind me that this is where I am. This is what I need to get better. There is a great deal of relief in not having to think about food. There’s freedom in just following the routine.

    There is little privacy. I often just want to get away from people and lay down.

    Glad I’m here.

    I hate it here.

6 comments

  1. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing this process. I marvel at the bravery it takes to be radically honest. To invite us in. I’ve been appreciating your more frequent posts, as I’m sure others have. Out here, but also in a way, in there with you in spirit. You aren’t alone and neither are we, because you invited us in. Thank you.
    xoxo

    Like

  2. I love you and I’m with you and so is Jackson. Molly too. Penny is awaiting a bribe. 😆
    Freedom in not having to think about the food, freedom in following the routine. Sound like good things to me.
    I am appreciating your writing so much buddy. ***

    Like

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