It’s finally time to go home.

People keep asking if I’m ready: friends, family, other patients, therapist, dietician.

My casual answer has been the same. I’m nervous/excited. Nervous about going back to old habits and excited to reclaim my life, see friends, engage with people.

Treatment is a bubble of sorts. The atmosphere is created to reduce the amount of stress we experience. The staff are all supportive of our process. Everything is arranged so the environment is conducive to recovery.

Real life isn’t like that.

It’s stressful, people have their own agendas, I won’t be surrounded by a group of people supporting my every thought. There’s people who don’t understand eating disorders. There’s people actively working on theirs.

It’s my job to remember that my recovery is a priority, that it has to come first for other things to be able to happen at all.

Lots may change about my life but I suspect for the better.

AND there are lots of people that support my recovery, there is meditation to find the quiet within me, there are people that are in recovery like me.

So I’m holding two thoughts that are somewhat contradictory and true. I’m excited to see what my life brings next and I’m nervous about leaving the protective bubble. And I’m ok with both of them.

I’m sure my monkey mind will continue to chatter fears and anxieties at me.

But I’m also sure I’ll survive.

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