Just got a call from my HOA. My air conditioner backed up into the lobby of my building. I just got this new unit installed a few weeks ago. The property manager tells me that it was installed incorrectly and that they set it up to drain upwards.
The funny thing about this story is that my initial reaction was panic but then shame. SHAME. I’m a bad person because the HVAC company installed the air conditioning unit incorrectly. ME=wrong, bad.
While I struggle to understand the logic I used to get from “my air is broken” to “I’m a bad person,” it is at least a familiar place for me. I know this place. I know the struggle. I know how to deal with it…well, in a way that damages me but still.
As I’m learning new ways of dealing with life, I expect that there will be more moments like this.
I’m just waiting for someone to discover the terrible, horrible person I am, all the time.
So while all of this is the truth, I want to make a different choice today. The AC doesn’t make me a bad person. IT’S AN AC UNIT. It’s not the ultimate arbiter of heaven and earth. AC units fail, things happen, it is not a reflection of me. I’m still a flawed guy trying to do my best in a tough world. I hope and I write and I love. None of it is dependent on an AC unit.
Today, I’m going to try and accept myself and my circumstances EXACTLY as they are. I won’t judge them good or bad but accept them. Is there actions to take? TAKE it! Is there something to say? SAY it. Is there something to do? DO it.
Otherwise, I will be the person at the core. The happy baby, holding its feet in wonder.
Wow, those feet are cool.