Lonely

Much of life is about feeling something.

I woke up today feeling kind of lonely. I live by myself so this feeling comes up from time to time.  In treatment, I’ve been learning that feelings are supposed to provide us information, to be a guide to making decisions. In the past, I’ve felt something and then immediately done something about it, usually an action to get rid of it, usually food related.

This morning, I felt lonely and started trying to chat with people online. If anyone wants to try this, I don’t recommend it at 5am. So I got up, fed the dogs and took them out for a walk….that killed 30 min.

I tried listening to a podcast, which killed a little more time.

Breakfast…15 more min.

Here I am, still feeling lonely.

Distracting myself can be an effective technique but so can just sitting with an emotion.

Much of my life, I have tried to not feel things, run away from them, get rid of them.

I was reminded this week that when I try to avoid them, it creates a bottleneck inside me that creates more and more pressure until it explodes. Part of what I am learning is to ride the wave. To make space for how I feel and give it room to expand and dissipate. It’s never as bad as I imagine it to be.

I’m taking a deep breath or two and just allowing myself to feel alone.

As I give it some space, it doesn’t feel so tight. I don’t feel quite so driven to be on social media.

I’m just here, a guy with a feeling.

Alone.

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